Facebook and I

I have time and again contemplated deleting my Facebook account. There are some very compelling reasons for me to do so. In these times, when time has become a precious commodity, what with 10-12 hour workdays, managing the house, working on the weekends (sometimes) and making enough time to remain connected to the few people that I am fond of. I have started questioning the value that I get for the time that I spend checking out my social media accounts. Sure, I get to know stuff like -

Category A (25% of updates)

a.    Friend A got married

b.    Friend B had a baby

c.    Friend C is moving to another country

     Category B (65% of updates)

a.    Friend D did dandiya with the women in her building

b.    Friend E ate spaghetti for dinner

c.    Friend F vacationed in Switzerland (funnily I saw less of Switzerland and more of his face in the pictures)

d.    Friend G attended a wedding

e.    Friend H’s one year old finally said ‘da da’ and so on…

     Category C (5% of the updates)

a.    Videos on innovative uses of coca cola (cleaning taps)

b.    Funny dog/ panda/ cat videos

c.    How to make candles out of candles and so on…

     Category D (5% of updates)

a.    Quizzes that will tell me which FRIEND’s character I am most like

b.    Suggested friends

c.    Some ridiculous memes/ posters which tell me things like ‘happiness is eating cookies’ ( I don’t even like cookies) and so on…

Of these, if I get to know of the category A events through Facebook, then, obviously the said friends are not very close ones. As for the events in the remaining categories, I don’t see much use in getting to know about them (unless, perhaps, I can see some more of the picturesque mountains in the Swiss pictures. And coca cola is useless in cleaning taps!).

Security of personal data is, of course, another major motivation to delete my Facebook account. Then there is this tendency of ‘dumb’ AI and ML systems to keep pushing content similar to any one link you may have clicked on once, thus making you a leaning-towards-a-side parallelogram rather than a well-rounded, balanced circle. The nasty, hate-mongering and the spreading of fake news that even a lot of my ‘educated’ friends engage in doesn’t help the cause of social media either.

But, yet I hesitate and keep delaying pushing the button. It’s just that I have accumulated a few hundred ‘friends’ over so many years that the thought of finding another way to connect with these friends or keeping updated with their lives seems daunting. Even though, I have probably just spoken to once or have been on a head nodding relationship with a majority of these ‘friend’. Perhaps I, too, need a ‘social media strategy’.

“How will I ever get connected to these guys, if I need to in the future?” I think. After all, we are in an age where networking is the key to many doors, and opening doors, it seems, is the destiny of the human race.

So, as a compromise, I have started whittling down my friend list based on the answers to questions such as: Have I ever spoken to this person? Have I spoken to this person in the last one year? Do I clearly remember if this person was in my grad class or post graduation? And who the hell is this guy? This seems to me an uneasy equilibrium that is working for me for now.

I am aware that there are some people who were great friends at one time, but we have lost touch over the years. There is a very good friend with whom I had lost touch after I moved back to India for higher studies and with whom I reconnected after many years through Facebook. So, though I am not in touch with her on a daily basis like before, I do know that she has two lovely children and is a pro at baking. And there are friends who were nowhere in the scene two years back, but now I hang out at least once a month with them. My didi once mentioned, that as ones priorities change, circumstances and geographies change and new life events happen, so will the set of people one is in touch with at the moment change. But that does not mean that we value those people any less. I will probably come around to connecting with them again once I am done with whatever takes up most of my day these days. And, it is then that social media will help me probably.

So perhaps, I will keep my account after all. Meanwhile, if you suddenly find out that I am not on your friend list one day, know that you have become a causality of the spring-cleaning exercise that I have embarked upon. Don’t worry, I am sure that I was as irrelevant to you as you were to me, it’s just that I decided to pull the plug!

And do tell me if you find a better way of finding a balanced social media strategy!

Indian Weddings in the time of Demonetisation

8:00 pm, 8^th Nov 2016

“All Rs 500 and Rs 1,000 notes will become useless post midnight”- the momentous announcement comes from Mr. Modi.

Now it’s been more than a month and we all know what pandemonium that announcement let loose. Print, television, radio and social media has been rife with jokes, tirades, passionate criticisms and equally vehement defenses and what not.

So we had a few friends over for dinner (ordered via foodpanda and paid for by Paytm) and they announced that they were getting married. And from there followed a very interesting discussion on how marriages during the times of demonetization will happen. Now, we do not have wedding registries in India like in the West. What is prevalent here is the “lifafa” or the envelope stuffed with notes of Rs 500 or Rs 1,000 and a one rupee coin stuck on the front.

Sadly the demonetization move has ruled out this option leaving couples getting married with gifts like:

• Useless crap like a clock cum lamp which was dug out from the garage as a contingency gift in the light of shortage of cash
• A wad of Rs 10/ Rs 50/ Rs 100 notes or worse-one Rs 2,000 note
• A cheque
• Maybe an apology note citing Mr Modi

I don’t know which is worse- the confused lamp/ clock or the musty wads of notes or the cheque (one has to negotiate those never ending queues which have replaced the frontage of most banks to encash them.)

Now I think there is a golden opportunity here for e-wallets like Paytm, Mobikwik etc

They should come up with Wedding Lifafa booths which can be put up at the entrance of the wedding next to the board that says “Manoj Kumar weds Lakshmi-Kala”

It will be something like a security check thing with curtains and all and every guest will have to pass through it to enter the venue.

I imagine something like this:

Lifafa machine: Welcome to the wedding of Manoj Kumar and Lakshmi-Kala. Please enter from which side are you- Bride or Groom?

Chachaji (he hasn’t seen the groom since he was 5 years old- the groom not chachaji) selects “Groom”

Lifafa machine: Thank you. Please select how do you know the groom?

(options include: Immediate family, close relative, distant relative, long lost relative, Friend, good friend, best friend, office friend, drinking buddy, table tennis friend, neighbor and so on…you get the drift)

Chachaji proudly selects “Close relative”

Lifafa machine: how many people are accompanying you?

Chachaji punches in “3”

Lifafa machine: Please enter your mobile number.

Chachaji punches in mobile no.

Lifafa machine: Do you have a Paytm Account? If no, please create one in 2 minutes via the link sent to your mobile no.

Chachaji selects “Yes I am Paytmer”

Lifafa machine: Thank you. Please select an amount to gift the bride and groom via Paytm from the options below. Please remember that you will get 10% cash-back to wallet upto Rs 500!!

The options are- Rs 5,000 and Rs 10,000 and more

Chachaji stares at the options. His eyes have popped out and are dangling by the optical nerves to the sockets. Rs 5,000??? This nephew of his had never called him once in twenty one years and what’s more, his father had given only Rs 1,111 on his daughter’s wedding (the groom’s father and the Chachaji’s daughter) and five of them had come.

Chachaji had had no intention of giving more than Rs 1,101- he had been looking forward to dinner for four for that much and getting his own back! Now here he was being asked to give Rs 5,000 and that too in white money! Forsooth!

He frantically cancels the transaction and starts again.

Instead of “close relative” he selects distant friend this time with 3 guests.

The options that pop up this time are Rs 2,000, Rs 5,000 and more

Clearly this machine has been calibrated to take into account the no of guests while calculating the gift amount Chachaji realizes and cancels the transaction again, entering 1 guests this time around.

The options become Rs 1,000 and Rs 2,000 and more

Chachaji selects Rs 1,000 triumphantly, checks the message he receives with the guest QR code, walks out of the booth, calls his family and walks through the security gate. Suddenly he hears some hue and cry behind him and turns around and sees his wife behind him. But his all decked up daughter and son-in- law are on the other side of the security gate. The son in law is lying on the ground with his hair standing electric shock straight and the daughter is screaming. Above her screams he hears the computerized voice of the security scan “Unauthorized access” and realizes his mistake.  He rushes back and tries to calm his daughter, hoping not many people notice this. Someone from the welcome party comes and helps the son-in-law up and says “It will be ok in 5 minutes. We put up the security feature to avoid wedding crashers.” Then turning to Chachaji with a meaningful look in his eyes, he says, “Maybe you punched in the wrong no of guests Chachaji. You could go in and punch in for them as well”

Chastened, Chachaji goes in and parts with another Rs 1,000 as a distant friend, gets a second guest QR code message and then the family move towards the hall.

The usual catching up with relatives, inspecting the décor and clicking of selfies follow. Then Chachaji collects his family and proceeds to the queue to meet the bride and the groom. When their turn comes, they dutifully congratulate the couple, get a snap clicked and walk away towards the food buffet. Now there is something interesting here they see.

There are different food buffets and each has a board at the start- Immediate family, Close relative, distant relative, and friends and so on. What nonsense Chachaji thinks and goes and stands in the short queue of close relatives. He can get a peek of the mouthwatering dishes on offer there and inhale the appetizing aromas. By the time he reaches the entrance, he is salivating with anticipation.

Then he notices a waist high turnstile which requires him to flash his guest QR code on the scanner. Chachaji does that and the machine replies, “Thank you for your interest in the close relatives queue. Unfortunately, this card is valid for the distant friend queue. Please proceed to the correct queue.”

Chachaji is red as a beetroot as he turns and starts leading his family away. He does not hear his wife’s and daughter’s confused protests as his ears burn.

They finally come home and Chachaji has paid Rs 2,000 for four plates of puri aaloo in a bowl of leaves, railway station style.  

Somewhere in the building a neighbor’s TV blares, “Paytm karo”

     

   

  

Another place, another time, another world

 If I could choose a different world, a different place and a different era to spend my life in, I would unhesitatingly choose to live in any animated world.

In the world of animation there are no bounds on imagination. Anything can happen to anyone. Carpets can fly, animals can talk, the simple housemaid can turn into a beautiful princess and caterpillars can smoke letters from their pipes. There are the good folks and the bad ones, the clumsy friends and the rabbits in waistcoats and then there are fairy godmothers. Even the most evil villains can be endearing in some way. The best part is that the good folks get to live happily ever after and the bad guys always get punished- many times in funny ways.

Even a fantasy world like Harry potter where you get to eat loads of chocolate to get well is not anywhere near. That’s because the villains there like the death eaters, dementors and of course Lord Voldemort are as cruel, evil or worse than the ‘villains’ we have in our lives in this era and world. Moreover, they are a bit too much like us in the current world.

 

So I would have all the innocent adventures that the inhabitants of animated worlds have, fight the crafty witches and the evil sorcerers and maybe sit on the hill with my pinned up tail and a pink bow secure in the knowledge that we will live happily ever after-because I am one of the good folks!

What is a wall?

A dear friend introduced me to this game and I am so liking it!

It goes something like:

Friend: What is a table?

Me: A table is a piece of furniture which one uses to write on and to put things on.

Friend: No what can a table represent?

Me (after a longish pause): A table represents support.

And that how I see everyday objects now

What is a door?

A door is an option or a choice. It lets you decide whether you want something in or out of your life.

What is a choice?

Many of us may confuse choice with freedom. But a choice actually binds you. It defines your limitations. You can either do this or you can do that.

A choice defines the limits you are allowed to go to, masked as freedom.  The biggest delusion possibly. 

What is a photo frame?

It is a window to a different point in time which you can look into from time to time.

What is a shed?

A shed represents what is temporary. It might give you respite from the sun and the rain for some time but it cannot give you the permanent protection that walls with a roof provide.

What is a closet?

A closet is a place for secret. It will let you hide your thoughts, your secrets and protect them from the harsh glare of society’s judgement.

Further interpretations are welcome and there’s more to come...

If only you walk long enough.....

The auto I tried hailing this morning, unsuccessfully of course, was going to Andheri. The neighbours are going to Thailand this summer. The guy in the cubicle next to me is going to get a promotion next year. And I am definitely going to the end of the world in 2015. Maybe you will too one day. In a nutshell, all of us are going somewhere or the other-in space or in time.
Why? Why do we bother to move at all?
As a friend of mine put it, what is the purpose of it all?
Not wanting to appear blank I quickly replied, ‘Because of the need to see tomorrow.’
Not letting it go, my friend persevered, ‘Where is the need?’
The need arises from the knowledge or the hope that there will be a tomorrow. If I knew I had one month to live, I’ll call in dead (my office), sign up for the space program going to Mars, get Robert Downey Jr. to take me out (or at least try to) and of course take out a large loan and buy an island. But because I know that I am going to see tomorrow I refrain from all this and instead I prepare. I prepare because I want to have some control over my future. I want to know where I will be tomorrow, next month, next year. I forget that control is what I don’t have and never had.
We, the world, the whole universe are like that ball in the bowling alley that someone has set in motion and is now rolling towards the pins. Only I don’t know what those pins are that we are hurtling towards. Maybe death is not the end. Maybe it is true that the soul lives on even when the body dies and continues on its journey in through different bodies towards that grand finale. People get tired and want out so they strive for ‘moksh’ or ‘nirvana’.
Why they want ‘out’ I am not sure. Maybe I’ll muse on that next time!
As Lewis Carroll put it
“Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.”

Close your eyes for a moment..

She had come to see the flamingos. A cap protecting her eyes from the sun, a back pack slung across her shoulders –just like any other teenager who has just finished school. Only she had a Rs 25K camera in her hands and she was not accompanied by friends as is usual for girls of her age.
We got talking. I asked her what she wants to do now that her school was finished. “I want to be a photographer”, she replied,” but my parents are not happy with that, so I will do a course in computer hardware and keep photography as my side hobby. Everybody advises that.”
The innocence and naiveté in her reply has struck a chord with me. I haven’t stopped thinking about the power of dreams; especially dreams of a mind that is not yet shackled by the chains of practicality. A mind of that can dream doesn’t think of a degree in engineering-slash-medicine-management as the only gateway to a successful career (if at all it considers a career necessary). It doesn’t necessarily think of a fair-beautiful- educated- yet homely doll or a highly well qualified -working in an MNC with a fat salary package-pompous ass as a successful match (read catch). Come to it, it does not think that success is defined by being able to boast of how important you are to the organization; how much your work is appreciated; how successful and handsome/beautiful your spouse is or how your kids top in their classes. It doesn’t even think that success is important at all!!
A mind that can dream dreams of finding happiness instead of success; and of fulfilment instead of status. All of us have dreamt at some point in our lives. Yet, somewhere we lose our capacities to dream like a child who has no expectations to live up to.
It’s a part of growing up, I suppose. :-)

If art was in the cracks of a wall..

I am art.
I am a living being, I breathe, I smile, I strive, I tire and yet I hope. I am the ultimate creation because I am alive and I can feel it.
The swirls and loops in a piece of polished wood is art, the way light gets refracted by a diamond is art, the leaves on the tree outside my window are pieces of art, waves crashing on the golden sands are instances of art. Art is everywhere around me.

Art cannot be confined within a wooden frame and painted on a piece of paper with a few colours. Art cannot be bound in a volume printed as a string of words in black ink. Art cannot be imprisoned in a plaster of paris creation.
It is up to me what I choose to see as art. And I refuse to let art be confined, be a prisoner of ‘definitions’. Art is the abstract, the unfathomable, the familiar unknown something that everyone knows and understands in some form even though he doesn't realise it. Open your eyes to the world, to art!